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Did sh** happen TO you in the past and now - weeks, months, or even years later- you continue to feel like YOU *ARE* A VICTIM of this person or event?

If this is you, then you might want to stop & consider this:

If you feel like a victim -or if you are inhabiting ANY ONE of these three roles- notice how other people are THUS assigned the other two roles.

As a VICTIM you may say things like: "S/HE DID THIS TO ME! IT IS THEIR FAULT! *S/HE* *MAKES* me sad. POOR ME!! I HAVE NO POWER to change this. They oppress me. I am powerless! etc"

As a victim, I DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for my own emotional state. I outsource my happiness & give my power to others.

If being a victim beyond a factual event in the past becomes my IDENTITY, I disempower myself. Feeling sorry for myself gets me A LOT OF ATTENTION.

*AND*, AT THE SAME TIME, I can claim the right to be angry AND be a PROSECUTOR who BLAMES, attacks, criticises, is ANGRY/aggressive, lashes out, finds fault with others, & also does not take any responsibility for their own state.

Others might tiptoe around the prosecutor/victim.

As a victim, I also lock others into the role of the RESCUER.

The HERO/RESCUER SAYS: "I do it FOR you. I am powerful, in charge, stronger than you/you are weak. You need me. I save you." The hero might try to help even when not invited.


THE PERPETRATOR *HAS*/CREATES A VICTIM which also allows the perpetrator to then switch to hero - or victim.

And the HERO always *NEEDS* someone weaker/ A VICTIM.

In a relationship, ONE person can shapeshift between all three roles at high speed/at any one moment:

"I do everything FOR YOU (hero).

POOR ME (victim) I shoulder the burden in our relationship! This is too much for me - it is all YOUR FAULT that I am in this role! (persecutor)"

If one person incessantly switches between all three, the other person, whilst being under attack, is supposed to be grateful, AND take the blame and feel guilty whilst they MUST *STAY* WEAK in order for the hero to be able to continue to be a hero. Any attempts to rise and become strong will be exposed to attack so they become small again so then they have to be rescued. Whilst caring for the hero when they switch to victim.

And round and round it goes ... !

This toxic dynamic can come with a substantial degree of #gaslighting confusing the other person about their own identity & about what is true & what isn't, as they constantly try to respond to this fast shape-shifting of their partner.

This dysfunctional dynamic infiltrates so many personal relationships and also our public lives/ our roles as citizens & our relationships with governments, the media etc.

One thing is clear: there IS NO and NEVER WILL BE any #happiness and real #agency and absolutely no real #connection with others as long as we inhabit one of these three.


You can set yourselves & others free.

We might be more susceptible to these roles if difficult events in our early lives/childhood have not yet been fully processed and integrated; It is often the much younger version of ourselves that had developed one of those roles as a survival strategy (and that had worked in the past) but that are now, as an adult, getting in the way of the life you really want. Reprocessing and updating these outdated unconscious habits and beliefs is easier than you might think.

If you would like help with this, dm me.


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